17 June, 2013

I just don't get the point

This part of my life is called being utterly bored.

I am back to Chennai after more than a month. Yes, I think it is perfectly fine to be away from home for a training just before days of your wedding. I supposedly planned well. I finished all my shopping way ahead and I was all geared up to leave the city.

The training was strenuous. It was not your regular AC room presentations or lab work. It was about teaching. Being on the field, literally. Crazy schedules, crazier deadlines. Busy weekdays, busier weekends. I had no time to miss anything or anybody. I was trying to stay sane and as they called it 'being gentle to myself' or rather trying to.

After working close to 14 hours a day, getting back home was a relief. Wait. It is a relief for 2 no almost 4 days.  But then there is something called boredom. As a bride-to-be I am expected to stay home , be well fed and rested. No going out to meet anyone. I missed taking the local trains and share autos. I don't feel normal.

Major part which irritates me is that I am shitty nervous. Not about getting married. It is about the wedding day.

Why?

1) I have to look nice all the time.
- Not possible. This city is humid and hot, I am scared I might sweat like a pig. I don't mind dressing up for one occasion but since it is a tambrahm wedding, dude honestly I wish I were a boy now. Honestly. Life would have been much much easier. Changing silk sarees, one after the other. I had zaris on my dream once, or may be twice. Madness.

2) Too much focus
-literally. Please go click pictures of the groom also no? Ask him to turn left right and centre. Ask him to sit with hands on cheek, chin and forehead.
-Go check which brand watch, suit and underwear he is wearing, ask him if he went to the saloon and got a spa treatment for his hair , ask him if his underarms are neatly shaved. Please go.

3) Are you excited? It's the happiest day of your life.
-Dude, trust me. I'd be excited about a holiday to Bali, or if I'd planned for a backpacking trek. Or if I cleared TISS entrance. I am honestly NOT excited. I am nervous. I am hyperventilating about the n-number of fake smiles I have to encounter and produce , about the shit loads of make up I have to wear.
-I know the guy already. I am honestly happy that our family will not question us on 'why are you so late home' and they can't because we are moving away to a new city. Yes, I am extremely excited about it.
-It is an happy occasion. Not the happiest day of my life. I will smile, because I have to. I will most definitely cry because tambrahm weddings are designed that way and I will see my mother crying, chain reaction.
-My sister isn't here.I would have been much happier, much saner if she and my newly born nephew were here. Because shit happens all the time and her plans got screwed up. I lost the tiny little excitement that I had for the past few months.
-I can have sex without worrying about the condom slip or an emergency pill. Exciting? Most definitely.

Indian weddings suck big time. One (at least me) gets married just to satisfy the parents. There is honestly nothing too joyous about these. I at least did not enjoy preparing for my wedding and I'd have put this money on holidays or my education.

I don't get the point of weddings. I just don't get the point of big weddings.

I am not trying to be on practical cool shitty idiot. Nor sound pessimistic. Cynical, may be. Weddings for sure are over-rated.

P.S : I am chill-maadiying at home watching Crazy Mohan and Goundamani comedy, I am not barking at anyone. (Just clarifying that this isn't one more bridezilla post)



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